On identity and labels

NOTE: This was originally posted in 2007. Identity: genderqueer.

I was thinking today about identity, and labels, and the difference between the two. I'm always searching for the words with which to describe my personhood, because words are the way we communicate to the world who we are and how we wish them to deal with us. However, on some level I accept that I don't have any real control over how people are going to see me, because when I step into someone else's space they're going to (and have every right to) bring all of their own history to their understanding of me. I can give certain clues to my chosen androgyny by my dress, appearance, mannerisms, etc., but those are merely clues. I want the people I interact with to be free to identify me in their own way. My desire to be taken as a person first and a woman second is not a terribly realistic goal in most situations, it's just something I can quietly maintain as my personal identity and hope people can catch onto.

There's another part to this, too. I say I don't want to be identified as Woman where it's not contextually relevant; I'm learning that there may be certain broader situations where it IS relevant: like, for example, fandom conventions. A slash convention like Escapade is almost exclusively a woman's space; the three or four men who go to it are remarked upon for their not-womanness, or at least regarded with some startlement, I've found. In such a space, it's easier for me to fit in if I let myself be regarded as one of the girls. Not that it's even discussed in any overt way, but I feel that the assumption is there. Hmmm.

Funny story: At work (and elsewhere) I often wear a brown bandana with a pirate symbol on it (designed by Nigel, an artist I met at Origins a few years back.) This sometimes leads people, usually dads accompanied by little boys, to ask "Hey, are you a pirate?" The other day, a Slightly Crazy Customer shouted this very question across half the store at me; startled, I said something like "Uh, yeah, I guess so!" He then came closer, stared at me, and exclaimed "You're a woman!" and then wandered away muttering to himself.

I don't know what that has to do with anything. *shrug*